Bianca

Heidi Stack | Born 11:29pm, 29th August 2022 | 2.98kg | Christchurch Womens Hospital

Due 15th September 2022 | Labour started 37.5 weeks

Bianca, Heidi + Ben

What was your journey to falling pregnant?

I was super lucky with my pregnancy. It happened within two months of coming off contraception. I have been a step-mum to 3 kids prior, so I was really excited to be having my own child.

How did you find out you were pregnant? What was your pregnancy like?

My breasts had been so tender and sore and I had some spare tests lying around so I thought I might as well take a test. I got a bit of a surprise when I saw the result was positive! The first trimester was pretty gnarly. I had bad nausea and extreme fatigue, as well as some intense antenatal anxiety. I ended up joining the Authored antenatal classes to try to curb some of that anxiety and to make connections with other people going through similar things.

Did you have a birth plan? What was it and did you get to have the ideal birth you were after?

Getting my birth plan was, in itself, a bit of a journey. Before I'd started Authored, as I mentioned, I was highly anxious. I was extremely invested in a hospital birth out of fear, and my trust in midwifery was sceptical at best. Both of my siblings had used obstetricians for their babies as a matter of choice and I just assumed that was the best, safest way to go. However, everything changed when I started Authored. I realised after the first session that so many of my feelings towards obstetrics/midwifery and my expectations around birth, arose from stigma, anxiety and a lack of understanding around the importance of the natural process of producing oxytocin in the lead-up to birth. My pregnancy really started to change course after that, for the better. I did get Covid-19 in my second trimester though, and I was quite sick. During a routine scan, the radiographer took extra imaging due to the fact that I'd had Covid-19 without properly explaining to me what they were testing for and why. This extra testing picked up something called 'uterine artery notching.' My midwife referred me to obstetrics, but it was a very slow process getting answers to my questions, and so to cut a long story slightly shorter, I ended up changing midwives. I like to think of this as me taking control of my journey and authoring my own story - something I would never have had the confidence to do had I not joined Authored. My first midwife was lovely, and I have the utmost respect for her, for taking my decision to leave her so professionally, but I needed a fresh start. I formed a partnership with the wonderful Rachel Tong from Rata Midwives who became a part of our family. She had great banter with Ben, which was important to me, and took the time to come and meet us in our home. With the trust I had in Rachel, I started to favour a more natural, intervention-free birth. I still had to see obstetrics because of the uterine artery notching, and I had to have regular growth scans for baby, but Rachel made sure I was taken care of the whole way through, and that interventions weren't just happening for the sake of it. In the end, I decided it would be best for my baby to birth at Christchurch Womens, because I am on medication for ADHD, and in a very very small number of circumstances, that can affect baby on entry into the world. I therefore wanted to make sure we were close to neonatal care for her if needed. But as per my plan, it was a wonderful, drug-free, intervention-free birth. I am not going to lie - birth is painful! But it is also incredible. I was so proud of how far I came through my pregnancy.

How did labour start? Walk us through your birth experience

Labour started with my waters breaking (premature rupture of membranes) 2.5 weeks before my due date as I was climbing into bed at 10pm on a Sunday night! I was NOT ready. I had planned to work for another two weeks! If you don't go into labour naturally with 24 hours after your waters break pre-term, it is recommended that you get induced to prevent risk of infection. I wanted to avoid induction and the 'cascade of intervention' so I made a plan with my midwife that night and thankfully was able to get some sleep. The next morning I rose early and worked at my desk for most of the day to finalise my work handover notes, whilst doing a few loads of washing and packing my hospital bag (realising that I should have done that earlier!). I had very mild contractions throughout the day. My midwife checked on me in the morning and prepared me the famous "brew" to help bring on labour naturally. IT SERIOUSLY WORKS! I drank it at 4pm. At 6pm when I signed off from work (I know, I'm crazy), I almost instantly started going into active labour. At 6:45pm we ordered a pizza but by the time it arrived at 7:30pm I'd begun to have frequent and intense contractions. I stubbornly ate the pizza anyway, not wanting to waste it. We watched a movie and I tried to relax but the only comfortable position was being on my hands and knees on a swiss ball. Ben rubbed my back between contractions, which I started timing. By about 8:30pm, I decided it was time to get moving. Ben helped me climb into the car, and on the drive from Rolleston to Christchurch, bent over the back seat, I threw up all my pizza! It was a painful drive screaming through contractions (poor Ben haha). I was well and truly in the throws of active labour when I arrived at hospital. Rachel thinks I would have been around 7cm dilated when I arrived. I was pretty irrational and I remember being a bit devastated when my midwife told me there was no birthing pool available. I began negotiating for an epidural, and crying that I wouldn't be able to get through it all! I tried the gas, but spat it out. I began ripping all of my clothes off and trying to arrange cushions on the floor. Looking back, I was definitely in transition at that point! And that's when Ben and my midwife helped me on the bed, and I squatted there on my knees for the next hour or so, bearing down and giving birth to my beautiful baby girl at 11:29pm on the Monday night.

Describe those first moments when you met your baby.

Absolutely wild! I remember how quickly the pain stops, the massive flood of relief. I sort of remember being helped onto my back, and my midwife saying "look, it's your baby!" as my wee girl was placed onto my chest. I had been so focused on getting through the birth that it was almost a shock to see this tiny screaming baby on me! I remember being so in awe straight away at her perfect, tiny fingers and fingernails. I was also sitting in a pool of my own blood and really didn't care! I became aware of Ben's presence again, as it had felt like it was just me in a world of my own prior to that. It was also a relief to birth my placenta.

We are in a very different head space during birth, was there anything funny you said or any little funny anecdotes from someone else at your birth? 

The transition phase is the craziest trip you'll ever have! I was obsessed with having a bin that was the right size to vomit in. My midwife gave me a little cardboard spew cup from the hospital and I remember being horrified at her saying- "THAT'S NOT BIG ENOUGH!" Haha. She handed me the big bin, which I was happy with. I never ended up vomiting at hospital. Apparently, as Heidi came out of me I yelled, "I'm open!" which my midwife found hilarious, and I also got quite annoyed at her for using rough hospital paper towelling rather than soft baby wipes to clean me up during birth. I remember saying to her "there's baby wipes everywhere - why aren't you using those!" This makes me chuckle now because of all the things I could have been worried about at that point in time, it's hilarious that it was the use of a paper towel. The fact that I begun negotiating for an epidural even though I really didn't want one is representative of how much of a physical and emotional haul it is to go through birth. Women really are amazing!

Is there anything you would love to do again/do differently next time?

I probably would have had a hospital bag packed before going into active labour...

How did you find postpartum recovery and the 4th trimester?

Postpartum is rough. It's not just the physical recovery. Absolutely everything is foreign and brand new. You are learning everything as you go, and no matter how much you love your baby, learning about your baby tricky to begin with. Getting out of the house is so hard - I didn't expect that. Whilst I was lucky to feel a strong connection with my baby, I can see how painful it must be for some mamas who don't have that. Instagram doesn't help - you are bombarded with images of mamas who are working out and eating clean, while you're sitting there bleeding in maxipads with birds-nest hair and bags under your eyes having a panic attack because you can't "nap while they nap" despite what everyone tells you! I will forever be grateful to those people who just popped around, chucked some food in our fridge, heated me up a meal and put it in front of me, or looked after my step-kids, or took the dog for a walk, and didn't place any expectations on me to host or organise things. That sort of stuff is so unbelievably invaluable to new mamas.

At the beginning of the Authored antenatal class you were asked what word you would use to describe birth - what did you say then and how would you describe birth now?

I honestly cannot remember what the word was that I said - but I know it would be different. Birth is power. Birth is messy. Birth is raw, painful and beautiful.

Anything else you'd like to add?

Do not underestimate the power of having a positive midwife partnership. If you have any doubt in your mind about your relationship with your midwife, don't be afraid to shop around. It doesn't have to be anything personal towards that person - it wasn't for me. Birth is super intimate - you may not click with everyone, and that's okay. Any professional midwife will understand if a mama needs to move on to someone else, provided that it's done respectfully and courteously. Also - get affirmation cards and start teaching yourself positive subliminal messaging as early as possible! I had Bonnie Grace birth cue cards hanging in my bathroom reminding me of my power and strength, and I truly believe it helped. Even if I wasn't able to have the birth story that I had hoped for, I know that with the prep work I did through Authored and with my midwife, I still would have gotten through the experience with satisfaction, knowing I understood everything that was happening and was in control of my own birthing journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey Bianca. Your story is so beautiful and I admire your strength and courage to do what was right for you.